Sylvia Plath is one of my favourite writers

You threaten me with

Your hands clawed, grasping for my middle,

Chasing me with a giggle,

Attempting to tickle.

I can never escape

(myself? Life? you?)

I am every age I have ever been,

You chase me

And suddenly I am six again,

Shirt off, smile all gummy vicious innocence, running bare foot

From my father, the smooth wooden floor slapping against my soft skin.

Was this the last time I was free?

Was this the only time I knew he loved me?

Have I ever been gentle?

Was the onslaught of my feet some kind of violence?

My laughter a fight to cow away the evil

I felt even then, stringing itself between my teeth,

Devouring my fate tongue and cheek - a sword swallower, mouth agape -

Should I have let it ruin me?

Let my meat go off and swift as a guillotine

As death collects, free my head from my body?

The water is freezing, I wade through the night

I hoped I wouldn't wake to walk

Alone again. Pill pale skin, porcelain, ghostly,

Night lapping like a dog in a fountain against my feet

God can you hear us? Are you real? Speak / please.

Can I ever escape,

This pain too shallow to consume me but too well strung

In the fabric of my skin to ever allow me peace?

Is this Cerberus who bounds at my feet?

Will my mind ever evade me?

Will I ever have the courage to bite my tongue

And sit in the silence I made, the loneliness I craved?

They left. I told them to go. Don't blame them.

Good or bad?

Am I

Good or bad?

Are they

Good or bad?

Was this a choice

Good or bad?

Why can’t I stop thinking?

Why is my navel so full of questions?

Why am I so hungry?

Have I ever been alive?

Wait, did I forget to turn the oven off?

Did I? Did you? Why? Why? Why?

That was supposed to be my absolution…

Too bad they aren't gas anymore

And is this good or bad?

I don’t want to be known for my death

We both wanted more.

Can I begin again?